The Pros and Cons of being a Wallflower

Pros

• Hurt less: living life on the wall leaves less room for me to get hurt by people. The more I are out of peoples life the less they will hurt me 
• Effortless: As a wallflower I don't have to put much effort into my "reputation" because people don't notice me enough to care
• Efficient: I can get my important tasks done. I won't have things such as boys, drama, or parties to distract or set me on a bad path
• No expectations: people don't expect much from me. They don't expect me to suddenly change my ways

Cons

• Not experiencing life: As a wall flower I am always experiencing life by looking in. I am never the one on the inside. sometimes I want to be that person on the inside, knowing how it feels to be alive for once. I want to experience the feelings like love and excitement or sadness and a broken heart. I have not lived the life on the inside. At times I get a rush of confidence and I feel like I can break away from my wall and embrace what ever is thrown at me.
• Stuck in a circle: Why is it that my life is constantly the same day in and day out? There is never a change. 
• This box of mine: As a wallflower, I am stuck in this stereotype carrying around this stigma that I am a worthless, awkward girl who's life has nothing good to come in it. Sometimes I have a vision of me peeling off this wall and ripping out of this box and grab life by the balls.

This is the awkward life of a wallflower

Check, Check and Check!

I was watching a Hilary Duff movie (I can't recall the name right now) and the whole premise of the movie focuses on this "boy checklist" Duff's character created while in college. She then takes this checklist and uses it to find her perfect man. At the end of the movie, the man of her dreams turned out to be someone who did not fit any of the criteria. Although that is the case, I thought it would be fun to make one:

1. Taller

2. Intelligent

3. Ambitious

4. Good sense of style

5. Nice personality

6. Older

7. Beautiful eyes

8. Can't be homophobic

9. Spontaneous

10. Adventurous

11. Can cook

12. Good sized muscles

13. Doesn't smoke or do drugs

14. Has a job

The funny thing is that the guy I like or "liked" fits a all the criteria but I can't see myself dating him because he is a "popular" or "cool kid". That is forbidden territory for wallflowers. He, from a society point of view, is "out of my league".

Why is it that we want something or, in my case someone, what we can't have? Is this God's way of telling us that we need to work harder for something or to simply just be happy with what we have been blessed with?

 *As a side note, I don't actually go around looking for a guy who fits my checklist. I find it cruel to to only talk to someone because they fit certain criteria. I know as a girl it is hard to live with the fact that some guys rate girls according to their outer appearances and inform them. This post is just thoughts. The checklist is a small activity you can play while at a sleepover or a girls night out on the town.*

But I am curious. What would your checklist look like?

From Crush to Crushed

The bast way I can describe myself is an awkward looking wallflower. My life isn't very eventful and mostly boring. When a boy comes along and steals my heart it is typically a big deal for me. I spend weeks and weeks cursing on a guy and trying to talk myself into talking to him. I never really end up talking to the guy though. So when I found out that the guy I like is involved with another girl makes my heart drop a million miles. The actual chance of him talking to me now is much closer to zero then before. Now what? Back to the drawing board I guess.

Has any one ever felt this way before? Like the hope has been sucked right out of you?

But this is the life of an awkward wallflower.

Almost Perfect

As a little girl I have always dreamt of those perfect moments that I would share with a boy; those moments out of the ordinary that you would cherish and replay in your head multiple times. I recently had my first REAL interaction with a boy at the end of one of my club meetings. (And by interaction I mean a two second conversation with this boy that I have been drooling over for months that involved exchanging a borrowed marker.) This two second interaction felt like a whole 5 minutes. I walked up to him all tense and timid like my usual self and said hello. Luckily I said that without tripping over my words and looking like a bigger idiot. I then proceeded to hold out the marker in my hand and inform him that it was his. It turned out that he completely forgot about it and didn't know it was his! Well thanks buddy I could have kept it for my shrine of you (I don't actually have a shrine of this boy…that's a little much). He took back his marker, thanked me and I proceeded to walk back to where I left my belongs. I gathers my things and left the room. I was having a mini party in my brain because I had just talked to a real boy in person. I made it back to my apartment with no embarrassment which is usual, or so I thought was no embarrassment. Since it was late I decided to change into my comfy PJ's and wind down for the night. When I was changed I inspected the back of my pants because something on it caught my eye. There was smushed cupcake on the back of my butt! And to make matters worse the boy who I was talking to brought the cupcakes for our meetings! I was talking to the man of my dream with HIS cupcake squished on my butt..There goes my perfect moment.

The life of a wallflower doesn't get any better then this.

Well, so much for wanting a change in my life… Be careful of what you wish for!

Hopeless Wallflower

Everyday I wake up and blindly drag myself through the same morning rituals. I drag myself to class and sit through lectures, then when thats over, do homework until bed time. I don't have much interaction with people other then my roommates or occasional family phone calls. Some days I wish someone new would talk to me, maybe even a boy. The thought of a real live boy talking to me excites me; I start to imagine myself in a whole new light. I see myself waking up with a smiling on my face for once and receiving text messages from someone other than my dad. But instead I'm living the boring life of a hopeless wallflower. 

As a wallflower, will I ever break free of this never ending cycle and embrace change or a heartfelt adventure in this life?